Sunday, 22 October 2017

Acceptance


It took me a long time to accept that I was gay.  I suppose I first started realising when I was around 13.  I didn’t really get to grips with it until I was about 16 after some off and on fooling around with a friend who was in the army cadets.  Even at this point uniforms and kink was an interest.

During this time I did not accept that I was gay.  I used to sit opposite the stained glass window of Mary at the local Church every Sunday and I prayed not to be.  But despite my efforts I always ended up looking at or thinking about guys again.  It took another two years until I got to grips with it, coming to the conclusion that if all the praying didn’t make a difference it wasn’t going to change.  I also read up on the bible and came to the conclusion that it didn’t actually have a problem with homosexuality.  Go read the story of Jonathan and David if you don’t know it.  Somewhat ironically these days I’m probably more well read on the Bible than most Christians.

By around the age of 18 I had finally accepted my sexuality and I came out to my parents the weekend before heading back to boarding school.  I genuinely thought they may kick me out.  But they were supportive, if somewhat shocked, and our relationship has improved with the years.  I then slowly started coming out to a few people at school but was very quickly outed.  With no way back from the situation I became the first person to be out at my school and got a lot of stick for it.  No physical violence or anything, but it was very hard work.  I even arranged a meeting with the Headmaster to discuss the situation, but he told me I couldn’t be sure that I was gay and that nothing in the school needed to be change.

This somewhat fuelled a fire and I ended up campaigning for the rights of LGBT young people nationally.  While I was involved in campaigning the issue of gay marriage started coming up in Church.  While I no longer went to the Church of my youth, my parents did and got into some heated debates.  The local vicar asked if I would consider writing something for the Parish Magazine, and so I ended up writing about my experiences which were printed.  Shortly after I returned to Church as I felt I needed to validate my words with actually being there.  I was made very welcome and the heat dissipated from the issue.  My honest account of the pain I had coming to grips with it changed people’s perspective.  In later years my long-term partner and I even attended a Christmas service together there.

A lot has changed since my youth.  Section 28 (which prevented state schools from teaching about homosexuality) was repealed, the age of consent equalised, civil partnerships were introduced and then later gay marriage.  Meanwhile treatments for HIV have improved as has education and awareness and PrEP and PEP give us the tools to turn the tide on rising infections and indeed are starting to.  There is no reason for young people today to grow up with the fears I had.

My path to accepting my sexuality was long and painful.  I realise now I had depression and I used to work it out by dragging myself and friends on 30 mile bike rides on Sundays.  There were times I contemplated suicide and made a couple of lame attempts to drown myself.  I think once you have seriously thought about suicide or attempted it, it stays with you and when times are dark it can lurk up again.  I had a second encounter with depression while at University, this time I got help and it was diagnosed as such.  I was on Prozac for a time and had cognitive behavioural therapy, which in the long run has made me more resilient.  Now a lot of the time I am able to manage myself better and deal with the bumps before they become serious downs.  If you have depression or think you might have don’t leave it, get help and talk to people.

As I mentioned, I read around religion and I also read studies on sexuality.  Eventually I managed to counter my internal homophobia.  It angers me when I see slogans like “God hates fags”.  Such things are not said by Christians, they are said by people who don’t really know the Bible and who are using religion as a façade for hate.  The same is said of pseudo-science around statics of LGBT people being prevalent child abusers as such.  These falsehoods were disproved by the American Psychological association in the late 1990s.  It took time and lots of reading and internal struggling, the acceptance of myself was hard fought.

In my late teens and early twenties I was looking for relationships, and as I think is common, I fell for people hard and fast, which is not really they were looking for.  I was besotted with my first boyfriend Kevin who I met at London pride when I was 18, but in hindsight I was far too intense.  Elsewhere casual hook-ups that I wanted to go places didn’t.  The ups and downs were hard and fast, but such is young love.

As I got older and started to explore my sexuality more my kinks became more apparent. I accepted I was into military gear, leather, then rubber.  Slowly the list started increasing although most was solo play.  Eventually as I started playing with others I got into more but it was slow and intermittent.

Even with partners, I’ve had two long term, first of four years and the second of eleven years, they weren’t really kinky so while we tried things the kink tended to crash and burn and I ended up playing elsewhere for the kinks, which kept getting kinker.  As I got into piss and such I came to realise that I was a pig and used the term with pride.  Things that were limits over time dirifted into being intriguing and then on the to do list.  However, with the play being so spaced out and lacking friends in that area the acceptance took time and I didn’t know the depth of my piginess.

Eventually I did a scat scene with a guy and he fed me.  After that I knew I was filthy and started using such words with pride.  Sometime later I ended up in a club in a sling taking any load – I was on PrEP I hasten to add - and at this point I knew I was happy going this far.  Although I enjoy bareback sex I think it’s important not to force it on others, and I certainly condemn practises such as stealthing.

I’ve been questioned on why I call myself “filthy” and “disgusting” – for me I see that I very much am, but I am happy to use these terms to describe myself and others in a positive way, owning our fetishes.  It is very much not a source of shame.   And so, I came to accept my kinks and I now try to encourage others to be positive about owning their kinks.  This is why you’ll occasionally see me out in brown rubber at events!

The final aspect that plays in and out of this is religion.  I already mentioned how I came to accept Christianity and my sexuality.  Although as I got older it didn’t really feel like it sat right.  After my gap year and two weeks trekking in Nepal I felt that Buddhism may have something more to offer and I started down that path.  I began meditation and became vegetarian.  I did a second trip back to Nepal and went mountaineering attempting to climb a 6000m mountain.  I certainly feel very at home in the remote mountains out there and find a peace there that I find difficult to obtain elsewhere.

Later, when settled with a long-term partner we suffered a series of cruel events.  A back injury resulted him loosing his job, a problem with a tax return meant a repayment and a massive fine at a time that financially hurt us the most.  Every turn resulted in more problems and more expense.  The idealism of my youth was burnt away and having to support and be strong for two of us I became more selfish and insular.  Buddhism no longer offered me solace in a world that was so chaotic and cruel.  I began to embrace the dark.

Although I use a lot of imagery from the stereotypical view of Satanism, my view, shaped from my reading and experience is more nuanced.  I very much view “Satan” as the ruler of Earth and the Underworld and yes sometimes as a chaotic and spiteful force but also as a source of strength.  If you embrace chaos and change it can be a very positive thing.  I more view Satan and the Demons identified by the Bible and Keys of Soloman as the original spirits of our land, who have been distorted and misframed by Christianity in its assertion for control and power over people.  I have made commitments to Satan and very much consider part of myself as Demon and hope that when my time comes I will be able to take my – small – place with my Demon counterparts.  Sometimes the darker elements do cross into my sex and sexuality, but it isn’t something I enter into with people lightly.  For sure it’s not a pre-requisite for sex, in fact I can count on one hand the number of people that have actually encountered the Demon Vulferam.  Some people see odd glimpses.  But that said, there are the small few who worship Vulferam and in in such moments, the Demon is at peace, happy with his place in the order of things.

Wednesday, 16 August 2017

Humiliation

I haven’t classed myself into being into humiliation until fairly recently, but I think with humiliation it is a case of matter of degrees and I had been into it, but things have escalated on the kind of humiliation I do.

Humiliation crosses into the dark areas of kink.  It is about the Dom reducing the subs status, but taking that further than a regular session would.  I very much see it as being able to act out being a bully and exerting power over someone – both things I very much enjoy.   But humiliation is a very personal thing.  Calling someone a pig may be a source of pride and how they identify for one person, but another may find it deeply humiliating.

This is very much a type of play that targets very human emotions.  For this type of play I always have a detailed discussion with the sub about what they want to do and why.  Is there anything driving this, were they bulled at school?  Do they have any mental health issues I should know about?  While humiliation can be great fun and a real power trip for a Dom, we need to make sure that the sub is able to handle what is planned.  You also need to make sure that you can provide appropriate aftercare and help a sub if they do react badly to something.  Needless to say, safewords should be in place, and check in with your sub that they remember them.

For some being called names may be humiliating enough, being called a slave or pig may be humiliating in itself.  For others more intricate things are required to take them down.  Pup Hroar who I have played with is very much into humiliation play.  When he posted on twitter than he wanted someone to flush his head down a toilet I was very much up for it.  We had met each other before and played on a couple of occasions and we discussed the scene in depth before doing it.  I found a café with a toilet that was suitable for use, but would be fairly quiet.  That session went well, so we did it another time and this time I made pup put his own head down the toilet and flush it. It was a heap of fun, I enjoyed playing the bully and Hroar enjoyed being bullied!

It was also clear that Horar was into sissy and fem type things as a means to humilation.  While it does nothing for me sexually I was interested in making Hroar walk around town dressed like a sissy.  He duly had to meet me in a very short skirt and long pink and white striped socks, and I walked him around dressed like that.  Deliberately taking time choosing things in a supermarket to make him wait and squirm.  I think I had a rather big grin on my face watching him suffer but also knowing he was enjoying it.

I can’t really explain what the sub gets out of it, so I’ll pass over to Hroar to try and explain in his own words:

How can I enjoy being humiliated? How can anyone enjoy it?

Well, for me, although there's obviously various factors, I know that one of them is attention. I'm a complete attention whore. I like the attention that a Dom gives, when they're carefully watching you squirming in the uncomfortably skimpy outfit they've made you wear out with them, or the attention that a crowd of people give you when you notice something out of the ordinary.

Additionally, the feeling of being low, lesser than another, is a very common theme in BDSM. The feeling of being under somebody else's control. For example, being taken out in girly clothing, knowing that I'm completely safe with my Dom, but I couldn't just run away alone dressed like that: I'm under his power, to be taken wherever he wants. It's a certain rush of emotions and adrenaline from the situation, that seems to tickle me very nicely.

However, this was only manageable with Vulferam because I trust him, wholeheartedly. There's no way I would go out in a skirt and pink socks/hoodie with a Dom I barely knew. I simply wouldn't feel safe, and then the worry about what might happen would overwhelm.

Also, humiliation doesn't necessarily have to come from public play. I frequently post photos of myself in humiliating scenarios/clothing/etc on my Twitter profile. Again, the attention I receive from my followers drives me forward, as well as the thought that what I'm doing or wearing is so low that most others wouldn't even think of doing it.

There may be some who think that enjoying humiliation is a sign of weakness, or mental illness, or maybe some past trauma manifesting itself. I can outright say, I don't feel weak, I don't suffer from any illnesses, and my childhood was as innocent as my mother could have made it. There might be a few who do it to themselves in a punishing manner for their past sins, but I think the majority of us who enjoy this don't (and definitely shouldn't) feel ashamed or upset. It's what we like, and it's not hurting anybody (though maybe turning a few heads).

I feel something should be said for those who don't like humiliation, or maybe aren't sure. It's important you set out with your Dom(s) what you are okay with, what you're not okay with and what you aren't sure about. And similarly for the Dom, too, for example, it was quite a surprise from Vulf suggesting he take me out Christmas shopping (busy period, of course) in a girly outfit, because I knew this wasn't something on his list. But also then, when trying the uncertain things, make sure you both have a way to back out: generally a safeword, or some action you both understand. This allows you both to try out something and see if it'll be fun for you or not. You shouldn't have to feel bad about using the safeword, especially if it's not enjoyable for you.


Another good question is what actually constitutes humiliation. There's a variety of situations that would come under this, and may be even be considered in the category. For example, bootlicking is a common task to give a slave or sub, but ultimately is intended to degrade or humiliate them, by showing power over the sub. Also bogwashing (head flushed in the loo), whilst triggering some piss pig fantasies is very humiliating. Simply being on a leash could be considered humiliating. Often just being treated as less than an equal.

You will find most subs are okay with some level of humiliation: after all, it's what they want. They may only be interested in one-on-one degradation, a room full of Doms watching them in a scene, or even a room full of strangers. Personally, I don't care as long as I get photos to then show even more people, but I'm just a glutton for that. So long as the Dom knows it's what they want, and can give it to them.

Finally, I'd like to say, I've not been in the scene for long (just over a year now), but my time playing with Vulferam has shown me a lot about what I want to get from my play sessions, and just as much about what I want to get out of my life, my work, my money. It truly can be a revealing experience and teach you a lot about yourself, when you indulge in your fantasies and try the things you're unsure about.

Thanks for reading, and thank you Vulferam for allowing me the space to share my thoughts.

Pup Hroar (@PupHroar) is the bestest puppy ever and deserves all the scritches. Or whatever testimonial you want to write here.

Oh wait, I was supposed to edit that.  Ahem.  Hroar is a sissy that needs abusing!

So for Hroar the essence of humiliation is the power exchange, being made to feel low and about receiving attention.  The important thing is to make sure that these things are done in a safe way and that the Dom can protect the sub both in the event of needing to stop the scene from a safeword and from realising the situation is heading towards unsafe.

When I have taken Hroar out in public dressed up I have always been reading ahead, who is around that could pose a threat?  What action would I take to protect Hroar?  As a Dom if you are potentially putting a sub in a vulnerable situation you need to be prepared and be able to deal with it.

You also need to consider the people you are around and their limits.  I had someone once ask me to fist them somewhere that was publicly visible – the exact location they wanted would have meant being visible from an estate and from a neighbour who was a policewoman.  Not a good idea!  But we negotiated and I found somewhere more secluded where the outside risk of getting caught could be better managed.   As a Dom I need to be mindful of protecting the people I’m playing with, be that from the general public if out and about or from getting caught if playing somewhere more risky.  As a Dom I need to keep control of the scene and manage the environment around to ensure safety.

Once the appropriate safeguards are in place humiliation can be a lot of fun.  Thought it isn’t usually a kink that gets me hard, it’s much more mental and it’s a kind of kink where I enjoy the power and making someone else bend to my will and that’s a great deal of fun.

Wednesday, 17 May 2017

Fisting for All! (How to take a fist)



Fisting is one of my biggest kinks.  I’ve been a fisting top for a while, I primarily learnt by watching fist porn and lots of it.   Mostly because I wanted to take a fist but didn’t think it was going to happen any time soon.   But I topped a fair bit and learnt from the feedback I got from bottoms.  When Storm and I got chatting about me owning him fisting played a large part in our discussions and as we got playing I decided that I wanted to take his fist.  This was in July 2015 but I was moving house and had things going on but I decided that I was going to take his fist before the year was out.  An ambitious yet achievable target. I’m nothing if not determined.

Storm has been an amazing mentor for me while I’ve been getting into fisting and he continues to challenge me and I’m pushing him too.  We have a unique dynamic that’s a lot of fun.  He got me working my way up my toy collection from smaller plugs and dildos to the larger ones, going up in size when they got too easy to take.  I practised twice a week, a shorter session on a weekday evening and a longer session with more stretching on the weekend. The weekend session was to get used to the stretching sensation and work my hole and the weekday session was to keep me in practise.

Sometimes I would get a little ambitious and there would be a bit of blood so then I would take  break and rest for a week.   This was only as the result of a small tear and nothing to be worried about.  If you are doing assplay and it hurts, stop.  For small amounts of blood put a small amount of cold water in your hole with a douche and leave it, or gently work an ice cube up there. If you see large
amounts of blood then get yourself down to a hospital and get checked out.

I experimented with lubes to find what worked.  Early on I enjoyed Lubrifist, finding the thinner lubes not enough when starting to stretch my hole.  But that got expensive so I moved on to making my own Jlube up.  I now mix it using a hand blender – the blade of the blender cuts the long chain polymers in the Jlube making a thicker lube.  I use around 400ml of water,   15g of Jlube and 2 dessertspoons of aqueous cream.  You can also add things to your lube but I'd save this for further down the line.  A drop or two of clove oil can give a little warming and help with the stretching feeling.  Some pigs add a little Volterol gel to part of their lube (so decant into two bottles leaving one plain) as this can help when getting into longer sessions.  If you leave the jlube to stand it will thicken up a bit so try and make it ahead of playing, even if only a couple of hours.

Also a note on numbing lubes.  Although I used one to start out, I wouldn't recommend it.  The trouble is you need to feel what is going on in your hole and by using a numbing lube it can help you relax but you can end up injuring yourself more easily.  Also it's giving a false sense of where you area as learning to relax really is the key to fisting.  I dumped the numbing lubes fairly early on and suggest if you use them you do the same.

I also had to play with the positions of where I used my toys.  I have a back issue (I slipped a disc a few years ago) so squatting on the floor doesn’t really work for me.  After trying various things I put my toys on a toilet and squat down on them there which is my easier for my back.  Getting fisted I find I’m much better getting opened up on all fours, then moving on to my back or into a sling when I’m open.  Now I’m more experienced I’ve been known to make pups lay down and put their arm up while I sit on their paws.  Well, I’m a Dom after all, and if that means I want your paw then be prepared for it puppy!  Play with positions and find what works for you.

When you are playing with others and stretching and fisting make sure you have smooth nails.  Nothing is less sexy to a fist pig than long nails, well long dirty nails maybe.  Trim them with nail clippers and then use a file.  Round the corners off too.  Give your hands a wash afterwards and then check they are smooth by rubbing them against your tongue.  If they feel rough and jagged on your tongue then they will in someone’s ass too!

It is also worth using gloves when fisting, I know I find I open up easier with gloves being used.  Also, using gloves protects against Hepatitis C which can be passed on from blood.  This can happen from fisting from small tears in the ass lining when playing, then if the top has any cuts or scratches on their hand then transmission can occur.  I only play without gloves with the pack.  Make your own decisions on safe sex that you and your partners are comfortable with.

As important as the above was the mental preparation.  Storm sent me some pages from a fisting book and then got me the book:  Fist Me! The Complete Guide to Fisting by Stephen Niederwieser.  I would highly recommend this if you are interested in fisting.  Fisting is an amazing kink.  It links your mind and your hole in ways that are very difficult to explain.  A key part of fisting is learning to control your mind.  You need to believe that you can take a fist and visualisation and learning to relax can play a large part in that and getting there.  I still use tricks from that book and that Storm suggested.  I curl my toes upwards if I’m struggling during a stretch for example to refocus my concentration and help me relax.  I’ll say it bluntly - go buy that book!

I won’t try and tell you what taking a fist for the first time is like.  I managed to take Storms fist in November having started working on it in September.  Needless to say it’s one of my biggest kinks now and when you need a fist in your hole no other kink or vice will suffice.  I’ve now taken fist in clubs which is a heap of fun.  I love people watching!  Rook has also speed fisted me, after thinking it wasn’t going to happen that day I took his paw in 30 seconds flat.  I’ve played with pig holes, chain and done all sorts of disgusting and horny things and I’m sure as hell not done yet...

What I will add that as with all kinks your journey is your own.  It’s not a race.  Don’t compare your progress to others and enjoy working towards it. Good luck!

Monday, 15 May 2017

The Descent of a Pig



So people want to read about filth.  The trouble is that what I get up to can be fairly extreme.  So what some of you reading this may find horny may be too much and repulsive for others.  So use the headings as either signposts or warning signs!  This is a very abridged kink journey with how I started getting into kink and to discovering just how much of a pig I am.  The aspects of Vulferam and Piston are deliberately omitted as they probably deserve to stand alone.

How I got into kink

I think it’s always been there really.  I describe it as an itch deep inside that needs scratching.  My early formative experiences were “fooling around” with a lad who was my age but in the army cadets.  We both said we weren’t gay but we both ended up in camos wanking in a small wooded area at the back of my house.  One time I ended up sucking him off. I’d wanted that for a long time.  Although all the while I’d been going to Church and praying not to be gay.  But I still ended up looking at porn online.  At a time when it took a very long time to download an image over a 14.4k modem…

Aside from the army gear, I also had a thing for tight lycra gear and swimwear.  I got a pair of “skintights” long tight swimshorts that I wanked into on more than one occasion.  And I wanked off into a wetsuit I had too.  I think they were the precursor to the rubber fetish.

Kink gear

The first kink specific gear I got was a pair of really nasty nipple clamps I got mail order when I was 17.  I still have them, and they still hurt like fuck.  But the first time I put them on they were way too much!  I wondered how anyone could ever wear them!  But I played with clothespegs and then some clover clamps and kept using them and eventually learned to enjoy them.  You guessed, now I’m a massive Tit Torture fan.  Almost to the point where I can’t cum unless my nips are getting abused.

I then slowly got some clothing.  A leather waist cost (yes grim I know), some rubber shorts.  As I got older I got into more, and developed kinks for rubber, gasmasks, and well pretty much everything.  Mostly funded by my student loan…

Play

At this point play was very sporadic.  I had some ok sessions and some really bad.   The bad ones taught me how to top, as in time as I discovered my Dom streak I’d flip and use that along with what I had read to give subs better experiences and take them to the places I wanted to go to.  But that said I identified as 100% sub at this point.  But I was a pushy sub.  A very pushy sub, in the worst of ways. I think the worst session I had was with a local Dom who gave me a spanking session.  There was no warm up at all and it was just unpleasant.  Too much too fast on a new meet.  I’ve never actually had the kind of spanking that I’d like to receive.

Becoming a Dom

When I started playing with other guys as part of an open relationship I started to discover that I enjoyed fucking and started taking more of a Dom role.  I started expanding my skills.  On one occasion I gave a friend a really hard spanking, it was a long relaxed session with his ass slowly changing colour.  By the end I was going really hard on him and he was loving it.  I even used a police baton and a baseball bat.  But I ended up stopping as I was drawing blood.  The photo the next day from when the bruising came out was really something…

Scat

Well yes, this escalated quickly.  In my early twenty’s it was a hard limit.  But somewhere along the way the idea started appealing and I got watching scat porn.  As time went by I had scat sessions where I got fed, and where I fed and the sub didn’t do so well and puked.  So I fucked them in the mess.  Scat is for me a very headspacey kink.  I have to get on well with the person I’m doing it with and be in the right frame of mind for it to work.  Before doing scat I’ll often not wank beforehand for a period of time and often watch scat porn.  But doing it feels really piggy.  There’s no escaping the fact that you are doing something disgusting and for me that’s the appeal of it.

Fisting

I fisted as a top for a fair bit.  And I had a false start on being a fist bottom.  I took it once and then not again for a long long time.  So when I owned Storm I decided that I wanted to get fisted.  I set a target to do it before the year was out and did it in 3 months, slightly ahead of target.   Storm and I very much click when playing and we have a heap of filthy fun.  One time in a hotel I farted over breakfast and unleashed a torrent of lube into my jogging bottoms that I couldn’t hide as we walked back to our room.  All of the pack fisted me over London Fetish Week(end) 2016, StormRook and Shadow. We’ve also used baseball bats, Storm and I have been to Hard On in full American Gear (and literally bashed guys with our helmets and annoyed them).  There was also a time when I was being fisted when my howling set the biodogs off howling.  Then on another occasion I literally dragged Storm out of bed after a fist orgy to punch my hole.

Humiliation

By this point I knew full well I was into power.  But I discovered a local pup, Hroar.  He mentioned on twitter about getting his head flushed down the toilet.  I said I was game for it, and the rest is history.  We discussed it and I found a café that had a toilet that was away from the seating area and perfect for use.  So, I bogwashed the filthy pup and even ended up making him do it himself on order.  He’s a subby puppy.  As he is into sissy stuff I then played with public humiliation and made him come out with me in a very short skirt.  That culminated in a pre-Christmas Ann Summers trip where I made him ask to try on a skimpy Christmas outfit and record a video.   While the sissy kink doesn’t turn me on, I certainly enjoy power play.

Going Orange

I guess now I consider myself flagging orange.  I’m pretty open to most kinks by this point.  Weekend just gone I was pissing in an empty bottle for Cannon and Hroar to drink, I fucked Rook in Alert and took his fist and helped Teck pup get his tail in.  A very fun evening!

More?

If you still want more go take a look at my xtube!

Tuesday, 25 April 2017

The Chain Gang

It’s no secret that I gravitate towards the disgusting when it comes to kink.  Over the last few months I’ve seen a couple of ass pigs playing with chain, my own Storm included and well, I decided I wanted in on the action.  A few of you may have seen the resulting videos and pics on twitter: https://twitter.com/LordVulferam/status/856086716217782277  
We’ve had a few people ask about it so here’s the details.

The chain.  You want marine grade stainless steel chain, no wealding on those links if it’s going up your ass!  Go for either 8mm to 10mm.  I wouldn’t advise more than 10mm.  Also 1 meter long is probably enough.  Chain is heavy and if you have lots, it will get difficult to control safely. 

Where to get it?  You want to go to S3i https://www.s3i.co.uk and order this: Short Link Chain, DIN 766. A4, AISI 316 Grade Stainless Steel.  (As a side note I also got eyebolts from them in the past that I used to fix a sling to rafters, they are good company but order the high quality items and check specs).

Speaking of safety this is not beginner assplay.  You should only try this if you’re a fister with some descent experience. The person putting the chain in should make sure they have good control of the chain, you can lock fingers in the links.  Make sure you use a thick lube, I make up jlube to a thick consistency and then add a generous amount of aqueous cream.  Take your time and don’t rush.  There is a risk of doing serious damage with this type of play.

But there is something about unforgiving steel links sliding in and out your ass that is very, very horny… 

Friday, 14 April 2017

Bad Dog!


Punishment is a common theme in kink porn.  A sub getting a flogging or whipping or a skin getting a kicking.  It’s a hot to see a sub get put in their place.  As a Dom I enjoy doing it.

Punishment to me means two things in kink, there is the kind of “punishment” above where a sub gets a flogging as part of a scene ultimately for their and the Dom’s enjoyment.  I always say to my subs that if you want something ask for it, you don’t need to play up to get a flogging and I don’t want you too.

The other kind of punishment is to correct misdemeanors and to modify the behavior of a sub.  For me I will only do this with subs I own or have contracted.  To me it’s the kind of thing where limits need to be discussed and the Dom particularly should be aware of the psychological impacts.  Punishment should be within agreed boundaries, fair and proportionate.  I’ve come across too many people having bad experiences with Doms that have left them not wanting to do certain activities or being left wary and untrusting of Doms.  Don’t be that Dom.  If need be break the scene and discuss what has happened rather than diving into anything.

Most important is knowing when not to punish.  There are times when punishing for incorrect behaviour is not the right thing to do, and it may happen when the most important rules have been broken.  At that time more than ever your sub may need your kindness, compassion and comfort.  This may be difficult when you feel that you have been let down but you need to look at the wider context of the behaviour and take account.  You may also need to give yourself time before you react.  I find frequently that being a Dom isn’t about being the bad tough guy (as fun as that can be), but my most common role as a Dom is that of a supportive mentor.

However, in the right circumstances punishing for incorrect behavior can strengthen the Dom/sub relationship.  The trouble with punishing subs using physical means is that fairly frequently they are masochists.   To me, there are four types of punishment and the type of punishment handed out should match the misdemeanor and the sub.

1. Reprimanding

Sometimes the most effective way of punishing is just to tell a sub they have been bad and displeased you.  “Bad pup!” can strike to the heart of a puppy.  Subs often want to please their Dom, and just being told they have can be enough to make them stop in their tracks and the disappointment of their actions can be enough.  Don’t turn a reprimanding into a belittling session though.

2. Reinforcement

Another form of punishment is to use various ways to reinforce the position of the sub and re-exert your authority.  I’ve done this by taking photos where Rook had to write “I will follow my Boss’s orders; swiftly and obediently” and I then posted that photo online.  I did get his permission to post the picture, although I was clear that I wanted to do it.  But be careful about humiliation.  While it can be a useful tool it can also be damaging to a sub and to your relationship with them.

Other forms of reinforcement could be making them do a menial chore, writing lines and so forth.  When the task is done, praise should be given and the misdemeanor should be left in the past.

3. Physical Punishment

 As mentioned, if your sub is a masochist this may not work, that said there is a distinction between pain for fun – say a flogging with a slow and gentle warm up, and a harsh beating that is hard and has no warm up.  There are other ways of administering physical punishments.  When Shadow used to test me on one occasion I ended the session and sent him home with deep heat on his balls.  This was a very harsh punishment but Shadow was experienced in SM and we had agreed that I could punish him how I liked.  Other forms of physical punishment could include forced workouts and stress position bondage.

4. Withdrawal

I think this is the harshest punishment.  In the early days of playing with my pup Shadow he would try and test my boundaries.  He used to top and Dom so he was seeing if I could follow through and dominate him.   When he tested I would withdraw contact for a period of time.   It was effective.  He soon learnt that I was serious and the testing stopped very quickly.   Withdrawal can take the form of pausing a session and making a sub sit in the corner for a defined period of time or more harshly ending the session.   After this kind of punishment I would make it clear that the misdemeanor has been atoned for and it is in the past.

Having said all this, it’s rare that I use punishment.  The pack know the limits and when not to push me further.  But my Dom style is much more collaborative and while I’ll make sure I get what I want out of a sub or pup, most frequently we achieve it together as part of a shared agreed goal.  Maybe that goal isn’t reached on the first go, that’s ok, as long as we’ve both had fun and made progress then that’s the main thing.  Sometimes it’s about playing the long game.

Sunday, 26 March 2017

Who are ya?

Artwork by SpacePupSilver


When I was much younger, I used to sing in a Church choir and go to Church every Sunday.  (Yes, for those of you who know me as Vulferam, as a Demon and “Satanist” you’re probably wondering how I got from A to B.  That’s another story).  Needless to say, I sat through my fair share of sermons.

One in particular has come to have a different and stronger meaning for me than I think the Vicar intended.  The sermon was trying to explain how God can be God the Father, God the Son and the Holy Ghost.  He drew the comparison that someone could be a son, and a brother and a nephew.  We can be different things to different people and have different identities.

There are powerful archetypes in BDSM, the all-powerful infallible Dom dressed in full leather, boots and a Muir cap.  The submissive, helpless, gimped up in head to toe in full rubber, collared, kneeling and waiting to be used.  These archetypes from the history of BDSM are imprinted on us and still drive many of our fantasies.  However, in much literature and porn these archetypes are considered mutually exclusive.

So what am I getting at?  We are already used to managing identities, we may manage our “real-life” identity and hide aspects of our kinky selves at work and with family.  On the kink scene we may emphasise the sleazy aspects of ourselves that we have to hide the rest of the time.  We show different people different aspects of our personalities.  Much as in the sermon, we are different things to different people.  But kink gives us a further opportunity.  We can play with different identities and headspaces, using them to explore different facets of ourselves and to have heaps of fun.  Why be just a slave bottom when you could also be pup, a puss, a drone, a Handler or a Dom?  I do realise that people may have a strong affinity to a single headspace and identity, and that’s great too!  But don’t let the archetypes of kink constrain you.  Be free to explore!

For me, I started out as a sub, 100% bottom. Though I will admit I was a pushy bottom of the worst order.  But then as I started playing more I discovered I enjoyed fucking and started to top.  More than that I discovered a dominant aspect and some darker sides to me and that is when I adopted the Demon identity, Vulferam.  I always knew I was kinky but playing further made me realise the depth of my piginess, so I also identity as a pig and will play versatile in sessions.  More recently I discovered the pup in me, named by my Handler as Piston (because I’m a filthy fist pup keen on Piston FF).  So now I have three main identities: Human me, Vulferam and Piston.  I have others that I’ve played with over the years, I’ve been a drone, a sewer pig, a slave and probably more.  But I primarily identify as Vulferam and as a Dom pig.  I usually tell people to address the me they want, but if you’re in doubt Sir is a good bet.  Not Master though, that’s reserved for someone who formally owns you!

However, things can be more complex.  Piston has different aspects, to other pups and Handlers I am very dominant and will not submit.  A very cute pup was playing at a social event, he went for some pressure points on me, and instead of feeling the pain I snarled at him and didn’t give in.  Be warned, Piston is not a subby puppy!  For my Handler, however I roll over for and obey completely.  I trust him with a headspace that I do not let others into.  This gives rise to an unusual setup for the pack.  To Storm I am both his Boss and his pup.  To Rook and Shadow I am their Boss and Handler and to Rook I am also an Alpha pup as Piston.  I am different things to different people.  It’s great fun!

But if we are exploring our headspaces we need to be aware of others too.  They may be new to exploring a headspace, or their headspace may be exposing more vulnerable aspects of their personality.   We need to respect that and listen and look for how to handle that person.  Ask them what works for them to get them into the headspace they want to go.  For pups maybe getting geared up helps, a particular toy, scritches or being given treats.  For pigs maybe verbal abuse and sleazy play will help take them down to their piggy space.  But watch for body language and verbal clues too and watch for changes in those that may indicate that things aren’t working for them, and check in with them.

As much as caring for people’s headspaces at events and in scenes, I believe we also need to be careful how we talk about other’s headspaces.  It’s their headspace and may well be very important and personal to them.  You don’t get to judge their headspace or their identity.  I’ve seen a profile where someone states that if you’re over 30 you’re a dog not a pup.  Such sweeping comments are ill thought out and unhelpful.  I encourage you to act with sensitivity and compassion when talking to others about their headspaces and when playing with them in that headspace.

Headspaces can also take people into very deep places or even where they zone out totally.  It can be disconcerting if you are not used to seeing this.  It is also difficult to describe, but as a pup my only concern is the moment and pleasing my Handler.  Combine this with an activity such as fisting and my head goes quiet and I zone out and I’m howling for more.  Sometimes when getting fisted I go to a place that is all dark.  Others describe places of light and others see even more vivid things.  But after such play I can be physically and mentally tired.  Allow the person time to come back.  There can often be feelings of not wanting to let go of that headspace and it can be almost sad to come back to being human.  Give hugs and physical contact and look after the basics such as hydration and making sure there are snacks available.

So go, be explorers of yourselves!  Give yourself permission to find the different identities in you and in doing so have fun and allow yourself to be more whole.  And be more dog, pig, cat, slave, drone, Sir, Football Coach or whatever else you like!

Wednesday, 15 March 2017

Playing with the Dark

The dark and the shadows is what appeals to many of us as Doms and creates much of the allure and fantasy of BDSM.  Fantasies of rape and bullying are a subtext to many SM fantasies and porn.  Much attention goes on the protection of subs, and rightly so.  Safe, sane and consensual is the cornerstone of kink and what protects us from crossing the line into abuse and unhealthy territory.  But what of the protection of Doms?  As people playing with these boundaries it is important we take our physical and emotional health as seriously as we do our subs.  We need to be in a fit state to protect them.  Playing in the shadows and with the bad versions of ourselves can throw up emotions we don’t expect and make us realise we are capable of doing terrible things.   Our instinct and the boundaries provided by safe, sane and consensual kink are the tools for protecting ourselves and therefore our subs. I have two stories to put this into context.

The first was a session where I was playing with a sub I’d known for a while and we had a couple of successful sessions together.  When talking to arrange our next session he asked me to go harder on him.  He wanted to be kicked, beaten, and hurt.  He was confident he could take it and I was happy to deliver it.   We had agreed a safeword.

The session came and I got geared up in the room, bleachers and shiny black DMs, I had a zero crop either side of my mohawk.  I looked and felt the part.  I got him on his knees and then set to work, giving him verbal abuse and started roughing him up then giving him a kicking with my boots.  But I felt something change.  I stopped immediately and asked him if I remembered his safeword.  He didn’t reply, he couldn’t answer me but instead crawled off into the bathroom and started sobbing.

I got down to his level and said it was me and I was here and it was going to be ok and asked him to talk to me and tell me what was going on.   After a lot of calming down it transpired that he had been abused in the past and I had triggered him into a place where it was no longer a session with me but a relapse of his previous abuse.  I put my arm around him and we talked.  I made him tea and gave him room to talk about what had happened.  After some time he decided he wanted me to fuck him and we hugged afterwards.

That session could have gone very differently.  If I had carried on kicking him and gone further and he had been unable to safeword I would have been assaulting him.  I would have had to live with the damage I had done to him and to myself as the result and possibly criminal action against me.  Who knows?

But the boundaries of safe, sane and consensual protected me.  I felt something was wrong, so I checked I had consent.  Remember that consent can be withdrawn at anytime.  I didn’t get the reply I needed confirming he knew his safeword.  So I stopped. Still, I learnt from the experience.  Not only do I now check subs for health issues, I ask about mental health issues, abuse, and I probe further: “what are you not telling me?”.  It’s not a sexy premeet conversation but it makes sure you have the information you need to protect a sub for a session and they get the reassurance that you are taking their wellbeing seriously.  I would strongly recommend having this conversation before playing with a new sub, and if going into new territory with existing playmates.  

The second story is a friend, no really, I would say if it was me.  He was with a sub he had met for the first time that evening at a party. At the end of the party they were bedding down together.  After some teasing and playing they began fucking, the sub said he was getting a bit sore and they stopped. They returned to playing and teasing some more and then discussion turned that my friend could resume fucking the sub.  This happened several times. During their teasing, the sub alluded to the idea of ''carrying on even when I say no'.  When they resumed fucking another time, and the sub complained of being sore, my friend acted. A consensual non-consent session had started – although it had not been strongly discussed.  My friend held the subs arms up above his head tightly and when he complained he covered his mouth with his hand and carried on fucking him. The subs initial response encouraged my friend, but at some point he felt a change in body language. He stopped, took away his hand and checked with the sub to see if he had enough.  The sub, after a long pause said yes he had and my friend withdrew.  But the thought of what had happened hit my friend.

If he had carried on fucking and cum, even for just a short time, consent may well have not been present and the boundary crossed.   The danger of this session was the lack of discussion and the lack of an agreed safeword.   But my friend did the right thing by checking and that protected him and the sub.

This leads on to the fallout from sessions.  Emotions don’t always surface or leave as soon as a session ends.  Subs frequently experience “Sub Drop” when the endorphins from a session wear off, maybe when they are back home along and coming down from the excitement and missing the contact with their Dom.  As I Dom I have a similar feeling, I miss my pups and pigs after playing with them.  They are a huge part of my life and I have to go back home and to being a “normal” human being.  But playing with the dark can have a bigger impact, it can stir emotions and fears that we may not expect.  It is natural for that to happen and it’s not a bad thing to process them and reflect on what we have done.  Have people you can talk to.  It’s good and healthy to talk to your sub about these feelings and get reassurance from them.  I am convinced that the idea of a perfect, infallible Dom is not a healthy one.  Though hot for a scene, it is not maintainable in the real world.

Let the boundaries provided by safe, sane and consensual kink keep you safe and from crossing lines that should not be crossed.   If there is any doubt at all in your mind, and indeed maybe when there isn’t, check in with your sub and check that you still have their consent to continue.   Because with consent in place you can visit some wonderfully dark and disturbing places that can set you free.

Saturday, 11 March 2017

Welcome

Some of you reading this may know me from Twitter (@LordVulferam) maybe others from Recon (hornypigdog) or maybe you just stumbled here via other means.  Regardless.  Welcome!  This blog is a place for me to put some of my articles and thoughts about kink.  Some serious, some less so.  There is a caveat – I claim no authority and do not claim to do kink “the right way”.  I am writing from my experience and perspective, hoping that I can share and offer something.  Take from it what you will, and make your own decisions.